Vertical Venting

Day 7 of 40

As I sat at a table with my co-workers I began to complain or as I like to call it- vent.  It’s the same thing but saying I’m ‘venting’ rather than complaining makes me feel better somehow.  Complaining is reserved for those who are negative by nature, and in some cases are just plain bitter.  I refuse to think I am either so therefore what I do is not complaining, but venting.

So, as I began the course of my venting, I stopped myself mid-sentence.  I remembered that this 40 days to a better me is about not complaining- I mean venting- to anyone but God.  I apologized to those at the table, and explained by 40 day commitment to get it all out- to no one in particular, except God.  I further explained that He knows how I feel anyway, so why not get it off my chest…AND- since He’s the only One who can fix my problems, I might as well stop wasting time and go directly to the source.   

They understood- and I’m sure on some level were relieved to know that they were no longer responsible for listening to my vent attacks. 

Then, in a moment of creative genius, my boss said- you should call this time of cleansing “Vertical Venting- Modern Day Psalms.”  I loved it.  (Wish I had thought of it)  If I ever write a book, I’ll give him credit. 

But, here is the question on Psalms…when David wrote the Psalms it was mainly out of his frustration as being named king but then being persecuted – and even chased with death in mind- by the current king Saul.  So, if David’s laments came from his life situation, where is mine coming from?  Is it baggage still left from the divorce, is it because I find myself at a mid-life crisis point, is it that I’m at a mid-faith crisis point, is it because I’m just going through the motions…or is it all of the above?

During the months- which turned into over a year- of my marriage falling apart, I went to the Psalms of David often.  I found that in the midst of his honesty in how he felt – forgotten by God- he also rallied back and praised God even when he didn’t feel like it.  When his world was crumbling all around him, he still found the fortitude to keep moving in the direction of God. 

I’m not sure psalms are what I’m writing…at least not yet.  I am most certainly doing some vertical venting with an emphasis on the lamenting.  Maybe- unlike David- I can’t begin to find the desire to praise in the midst of the lamenting…at least not yet.  Each of David’s Psalms started off with the lamenting and had praise sprinkled in or ended beautifully with it.  Maybe my Psalm just isn’t finished yet. 

I remember I gave a talk once after the horrible earthquake in Haiti on this very topic.  My key point was- “Cry out instead of cry, and worship instead of worry.”  It is words like this- from my own mouth- but given to me by God that I offer to others, but not to myself.    

So, for today, I will continue my vertical venting, but will dig deep (enough) to pull out some praise too. 

Father God, the One Who made me, Who never forsakes me, and Who is passionately concerned about my life, please help me see you at work today.   I know you are there, help me feel your presence.  Amen.