I find more and more, day after day, how much I learn about being a child of God by being a parent. I often think about how God must feel about my misbehavior, disobedience, or lack of thankfulness when my own children exhibit such distasteful behavior.
Over the last two days I’ve been in a stew over one such “misbehavior” from my youngest. In the big scheme of things, what happened can’t really be called a misbehavior, but yet it made me angry, and honestly, hurt. I found out MJH went on a date…make that THREE dates- with the same girl- without telling his mom. Oh, the horror!
His friends who divulged this insider info were hysterical with laughter at the look on my son’s face when they realized he hadn’t told me. They probably found just as much humor in my reaction. I think my exact words were, “M and I are gonna have a throw down when you guys leave my house!”
As I said, in the big scheme of things, this wasn’t a big deal. I have a kid- a young man- who loves Jesus, his family, and his friends. He is a great student, he has a kind servant attitude, and he makes wise (as much as a 17 year old can be wise) decisions. He takes responsibility for his actions, and is just overall, a really great guy. So, why did this bother me so much?
Relationship. I was upset about what this omission in communication said about our relationship. He didn’t lie to me. He didn’t tell me he was one place when he was somewhere else. (This is one of the many downsides of being divorced- your kids can “do” things on the other parent’s weekend that you never know about) In the absence of lies, I was still upset; it was still a slap to our relationship. Did he not trust me?
I’m trying to get over it, but am obviously not yet since I’m writing about it. He’s apologized and told me his reasoning for not telling me. (He didn’t want me to make a big deal about it unless she became his girlfriend- which she is not) As I’m getting on with my life in the wake of such a crushing blow, I want to see this from God’s perspective.
I’ve now come to grips with the fact that God may have a bit of an issue with me in this area as well. I haven’t gone on any dates I didn’t tell Him about. It would be silly to think I could hide anything about my life from Him anyway.
What I have done- more times than I’d like to admit- is make decisions before talking to God. I’ve asked for advice from a friend before discussing it with the Lord. I’ve shared funny stories, joys, heartaches, and problems with my family or my friends, and never stopped to acknowledge that my Father may want to hear the news first. This isn’t to say that I don’t talk to the Lord. I do…A LOT; however, there are times that I don’t talk to Him first.
I was hurt by my son not finding it important enough…or not finding me important enough, to share his “news” with first. As a parent, that’s tough to swallow. I’m guessing God feels that little twinge in His heart at times too.
My response to that…I won’t tell you. I’m talking to Him instead.
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