I long ago came to grips with the fact that I don’t know everything. I used to think my mom knew everything. Once I became a mom, I realized it was all a very elaborate ruse.
As a general rule I don’t spend a ton of time pondering the whys of life. I tend to lean more toward the camp of playing the cards you’re dealt and not asking a lot of questions. That being said, there are questions flying around in my head and churning in my heart.
One of M’s best friends lost a parent last weekend. He was a 52 year old who survived cancer, but then died of a massive heart attack instantly. There is no good time to lose someone you love, but the unfairness of this loss seemed to be exaggerated. One son in college, and the other just two months shy of graduating high school, he and his wife were readying themselves for a new season in their life together. The family just moved into a new home; a home built knowing the youngest would be leaving for college in the fall. Why…why now?
The part of me that trusts God and His timing knows the why doesn’t matter. Even knowing that doesn’t stop the questions-at least for now.
M broke his ankle almost 6 weeks ago and is still awaiting clearance to play soccer. In the same way a younger child would ask why the grass is green, my boy asked me why he wasn’t healed yet. He had prayed, he said. He had done all the prescribed exercises, he said. He had laid off sugar, taken in more calcium, and worn his boot faithfully, he said. Why…why not?
Like a song set on repeat, I answer my own questions more than his. I trust God so, again, the why doesn’t matter. And…again, knowing that doesn’t stop all of the questions, but this time it helps.
Kids in our city go hungry, teenage girls are sold in to prostitution, and babies are born with incurable diseases. Why….why…why?
Push the repeat button and finally peace is the song that plays.
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