When I was a teacher we- meaning myself and my teammates- used to make excuses for every crazy day we had in our classrooms. There was a full moon last night, the kids had cookies at lunch, it was the day before or after Halloween, Christmas break is close, and my favorite - spring fever. At the time, these all seemed like valid excuses for our kids’ behavior being just a little out of whack.
I’m not sure whether or not they were valid, but I’m certain they were excuses. We didn’t allow them to get away with the misbehavior. There were still consequences, so I’m not sure what we were really accomplishing with the excuses. Maybe it was more about making ourselves feel better. (It couldn’t be that we were off our game on maintaining control so there must be a reason for the craziness.)
Looking back now, I’m more aware of how we shouldn’t have made excuses- for them or for ourselves. Really, is there any good excuse for misbehavior? Making the choice to misbehave is just that- a choice. There are no excuses. It’s not someone else’s fault. It’s not because of a full moon or too much sugar. There may be scientific validity to how those things affect us physically, but we still have a choice in whether or not to exhibit self-control.
I am a strong believer in personal responsibility, and have had to work hard to teach the concept to my children. Teaching our children to “own up” to their mistakes is one of the pillars of building character; character that lines up with Scripture.
That being said, I still find myself making excuses either verbally or internally. I make excuses for my kids all the time. M#1 runs out of money. He forgot to check the pending transactions on his bank app. Excuse. M#2 plays timidly in a soccer game. He just came off a 6week injury. Excuse. M#1 has his car towed or booted. He didn’t see the sign that said “no parking.” Excuse. M#2 doesn’t do well on a test. He was out of town all weekend and tired so he didn’t have time and energy to study. Excuse.
The biggest excuse I’ve made lately for one of my boys is more than an excuse, and also probably much more dangerous- it was justification. I have internally and verbally not only excused a slip, but justified why it wasn’t “that bad.”
M#2, while on a school trip, made the conscience decision to miss curfew. They were at Disney. The last night was extra Magic Hours, which meant the park would stay open until 2am for those staying in the resort. His group was staying on the resort so they could ride anything until the wee-hours. The problem- curfew was 12:30am. M#2 and his buddies decided to forget curfew and stay in the park. They left in waves to head back; two of them were 30 minutes late, three more were 60 minutes late, and the last two (mine being one of those) didn’t arrive back to the hotel until 2:45am. Take into account that the time changed that night, and they actually arrived at 3:45am.
Each boy took responsibility for their choice to ignore curfew. They took their punishment of serving Saturday school (4 hours of detention) like the young men they are becoming. All the while, they’ve excused or justified the behavior. Honestly, so have their parents- myself included.
We’ve all internally thought it or even said things like, “It could be worse- they weren’t out drinking or something.” “They’ve never been in trouble so we count ourselves lucky.” “The school shouldn’t make a big deal of this considering all the other things that go on!” “My son learned it honestly- we always stay the extra hours when we go to Disney.” “They couldn’t get on all the rides during the day. They had to stay late to ride everything.” And…even, “I’d have done the same thing. The school should’ve planned to let them stay later the last night.”
It wasn’t until one of the dads actually said what we all should’ve said that I realized just how badly I was justifying my son’s choice. He quickly pointed out, “They were wrong in the choice they made.” This dad was right. They knew the curfew time, and whether they agreed with it or not is irrelevant.
I’m not proud that my son broke curfew. I still don’t see it as a really big slip up, and I do count myself as very lucky and blessed to have a kid who- for the most part- makes wise decisions; however, I have no business justifying him disobeying authority.
Making excuses or justifying the bad choices- even small ones - can lead us into very dangerous territory. Disney trips, too much sugar, spring fever, full moons…there really are no good excuses. Part of facing the consequences of our choices means taking our punishment without (too much) complaining, but doesn't it also mean not making excuses for those choices?
2 Corinthians 5:10- “For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, that each one may receive what is due him for the things done while in the body, whether good or bad.”
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